She gives a smile and cracks a joke when a hurtful comment comes her way.
She ignores the feeling and tells herself she should not take it personally.
She tells herself that she should smile and be happy.
But ignoring the feeling doesn’t make it disappear.
Every time she suppresses such a feeling or holds back a tear, it flows into a river in her mind.
A river held back by a dam made of jokes and sarcasm. Held together by forced smiles and brushed off remarks.
But with every tear, the river grows bigger and wilder until it eventually puts to much pressure on the dam. A few cracks start to appear and she tries desperately to hide them. For a time she succeeds, but in hiding the cracks she adds tears to the river.
The dam will not last. It will burst and crumble beneath the pressure of the river fighting to be unleashed.
Once the dam breaks, there is nothing she can do. She cannot rebuild the dam while the river rages through. No, she must let it flow. She must let it all out.
Not until the river has settled can she start rebuilding the dam.
And so the cycle begins again.